Look Up

if you ever took the time out to watch people,
to survey the passers-by
you'll notice we're all connected.
by some thin thread we are all linked together
here not merely by chance.
though we find convenience in
pretending the other isn't there,
we're all intertwined.
brothers and sisters
trying to succeed in an un-unified world
built on unity--
a blueprint that no longer stands firm.
our movements vastly the same,
operating in different timezones.
our paths align, converging on the
same disappointments and joys,
all striving for shooting stars that keep shooting.
when will we look up from ourselves and realize?

NEVER Settle

How many times have we seen those movies of a woman who has strict guidelines for how she wants her dream man to be and her friends and family keep trying to convince her to loosen her grip on the list, but then she ends up finding the exact man she needs and wants?

Not to give much credibility to the storylines of those movies, but it does offer a sense of hope doesn't it?

If there’s one good concept we can all learn from the “uptight, picky” women in these films and apply to our own lives it would be refusing to settle with a “right here, right now” type of guy just to fulfill a fraction of your lifetime.  

Ladies, do yourselves a favor and NEVER settle.

Forget about all that nonsense about your biological clock and its ticking. 

Being in a relationship isn't as necessary as maintaining your dignity, your power to choose carefully who you want to spend the rest of your life with, let alone preserving  your precious time in general whether it is 6 months or 2 weeks.

There is nothing wrong with having a list of qualities that you would like to see in your future man. Of course those qualities should be measurable and realistic, containing no signs of shallow thinking, vanity or gold-digging tendencies. 

On the matter of having a list while finding your life-mate, the phrase “Stand for something or fall for anything” rings true.

You don’t want to go through life just saying “alright” to any “nice” guy that comes along even though he has none of the qualities that you have set. 

Believe you deserve the right man who will treat you with as much respect as you’ll treat him.

Maybe this post will range in audiences from women who are tired of waiting for the right guy after so many wrong ones or to those who are simply tired of waiting after having no guy. 

Either way it goes, while you wait, date yourself. Don’t throw shade at other happy couples because your man hasn’t found you yet. Be happy for them and be happy for the life you still have left. There’s nothing more fulfilling than being a single woman who is content with her singleness, but not in a way that shows “I don’t need no man!” 

Always have in the back of your mind what you’re looking for when courting a man. Be real with him and more importantly, be real with yourself.

Is Negativity a Trend?

Why does it seem like negativity has become a trend? Like feeling down about your issues is a thing to be normalized.

People tend to be more privy to you explaining what juicy drama occurred in your life rather than your successes. You share your successes, it might turn into them thinking you like to boast.
   
Furthermore, it seems that most people in the world connect on the negative things that happen in their lives. Some people may say something like, "We became friends because she understands my struggle" or "We connect because we went through the same things."

One of my favorite street artists (Morley) created an art piece that says "I love you because we hate the same stuff."

This quote seems to be the framework for many relationships today, but we must ask ourselves how it goes hand in hand.

Love was never meant to mix with hate. That's why it is impossible to have a love-hate relationship, because true love does not birth hate. Loving someone one minute and hating them the next is dysfunctional, and there's no plausible way to function in that.

Connecting to someone solely on the basis that you guys have been through the same hard times is not a strong foundation for a long-lasting relationship, whether it is with a friend or a romantic partner. If the connection is made after sharing the struggle, but there's no talk of how each person escaped the struggle then the relationship has formed a shaky bond. There was no empowerment in it, no rising above the standard.

Hard times does NOT equal sad demeanor plus broken down mindset. You don't have to let negativity affect you negatively. Case in point, a relationship does not have to be built upon dysfunctional principles.

Drama has become popularized. We see this fact every day on TV. But it doesn't take drama to have a juicy life.

One lesson that I've been learning is that you have the power to feel differently about your situation. It is nobody's business but yours to give you joy. You must choose joy, it is up to you. There's nothing wrong with being joyful during trying times.

What are you waiting for? Sympathy?

To say I'm flawless would mean that I'm devoid of what makes me human,
that my experience is bare.
It is a claim that poses my record is clean.
But what good is my resume if it does not have a front & back
with two more fronts and backs?
If my life reads as a scroll of disaster,
of successes & mishaps,
of trial & error,
then I am more than qualified for many positions.
I could be used & resused,
a recyclable container that could feed wisdom
to all who come weary.
My misery did not die in vain.
My tears were not collected into puddles
only to be dried up & forgotten.
My closed door secrets
are forming bullhorns on purpose.
To say I'm flawless would be a lie
that I would never tell
to make others feel comfortable,
to make myself feel comfortable amongst others.
To downplay my background would mean that Barbies are real.
And I am no plastic.

Defeating the Cycle: A Word about holding onto a "Choke Holding" Past

Raise your hand if you have gone through something that has hurt you, disappointed you, or just affected you negatively in general...(hands raise worldwide). 

Fact of the matter is, everyone has been through something. Everyone has had times in their lives where they felt they could not go on because of how hurtful a situation was. But the kicker lies in the idea that our backgrounds don't have to be the definitions of who we are today.

I understand that in life, people experience some tough situations, and sometimes these things happen early on, but never should these tough experiences be used as a crutch to keep their lives crippled.

How many times can a person use "my father walked out when I was young" as an explanation for their present behavior? If you're not going to let what happened to you fuel you to help someone else, or to work your hardest not to become like the chaos you saw around you, then you must ask yourself why you're here. Maybe the explanation for why so many people are confused about their life purpose is because they're misusing their mishaps.

Pardon my French, but you have the choice to be screwed up or not. There have been some amazingly successful people who come from all kinds of terrible backgrounds.

I don't mean to be so crass, but we have to stop letting our past creep back  into our present and affect our future. No more excuses. 

In a nutshell: Don't get sucked into what's around you. Just because you're used to a certain way doesn't mean you can't change it up. Just because you're used to brokenness doesn't mean that's all you have to be attracted to. Learn your surroundings. Pay close attention to the dysfunction around you so that you don't fall for the same thing. Know that each unhealthy setting you're in is only momentary. It's not your duty to adapt to it, it's your duty to become a beacon in it. Don't get comfortable. You're on assignment.