Let Go and Live!

“In order to understand where you’re going, you must first learn where you came from.”

You’ve heard this said before in one way or another, but maybe it has never truly resonated with you in the way that it is starting to resonate with me.

I never truly and fully understood this concept. I wasn’t sure what the point was in understanding my past. I believe this might have been the cause for why I was so stuck in it.

I was living life aimlessly, acting as a robot in my own relationship because I had never defined my background. I failed to come to grips with the various relationships I embarked on in the past and how I was allowing them to affect my present.

In the aftermath, I have discovered a few conclusions:

Sometimes people must learn to let go of their past so that they can embrace their present and make room to envision their future.

Without a recognized journey, how can a man continue walking and know that he’s not trailing back into where he was already?

Dwelling on the “good ol’ days” is not going to bring them back. People grow up and people change throughout time, that fact is inevitable. You can’t remain in the kiddy phase your whole life.

Grow up and grow out of what used to be and embrace what is and what will be.

Some people are too busy looking back that they are physically unable to look to the future. You can’t do both at one time and expect to remain upright in your journey. You’ll probably find yourself tripping over what is right in front of you.

Stop letting your past hover over your future. Lay the past to rest.

Live in the present and stop wandering aimlessly through life. You are to live life to the fullest!  

Just Chill and Pay Attention to the Insides

What’s the first thing someone does when a person offends them?

They automatically get in defense mode and start to tell them exactly what they want them to hear, whether it’s in a respectful or disrespectful way.

It’s very seldom that a person holds water when they feel discriminated against in any way.

But what if this wasn’t the case? What if people were actually slow to speak?

If we all began to follow the well-known phrase, “think before you speak” this world would look much differently.

How would I define the phrase, you may ask?

• think before you speak: verb phrase (used without object) 

1. to learn to look past what people show you and form your interaction with them around figuring out their depth

People are never just flesh and bone. There is always something going on inside of them that is governing how they interact with others on a daily basis.

If you learn this, and truly take it to heart, it will save you from so many different unnecessary relationship struggles.

Do not fret in doing good to others. Just because people change does not mean you have to change along with them. Don’t let outside forces bruise your inner man. You must maintain your integrity.

Here’s a challenge for you all: the next time someone does you wrong for no apparent reason, show concern for them and apologize for whatever they are going through to cause them to act so harshly. Or, if you don’t want to do that, simply let them say whatever they want to you and comply.

In this way, people would experience wisdom and they will see a light in you that may propel them to change their attitude. 

Don’t be afraid to let your light shine, to go a narrow way while the others take the wide road ahead.

What good is it to treat a man as wrongly as he treats you? You don’t have to win every minor battle.

Just chill.

The "Nobody's Perfect" Epidemic

A disease has seemingly swept the land that is keeping everyone in a state of emotional illness which has spread under the name of I’m-not-perfect-tia.

That was a joke, but it can ring true to an extent.

It has been easy for all of us to stay within the confines our imperfection, but for many of us, the time has come to be released.

We all connect on the fact that we are imperfect, but should this keep us from striving for perfection?

We are all born with flaws, and I’m not speaking only on physical flaws, I’m speaking about character flaws as well. There has been plenty of uproar about self-love and acceptance. And as far as looks go, yes, love what you have and work with it, but if this phrase begins to tread into your character then there needs to be some serious reflection and reconstruction.

Let me be clear: Your character and your character flaws are two separate things. We all have different preferences and ways of doing things and that is what makes up our character. But people should never accept your character flaws to the point where you become content in your mess. Those who you trust and love should be actively working with you to remove those things.

Many people use “I’m not perfect” as an excuse to remain in a vegetative state. If you are forever in a stagnant state of being then that must stink to those who are forever evolving.

We should ALL forever be evolving, educating ourselves on various topics. We should never believe that we have all the answers and that we are perfect just the way we are in terms of character, that is.

You must be careful not to let this “I’m not perfect” movement become the phrase you base your life upon. Never believe you have reached oasis.

What does it mean to truly have joy?

As of late, I’ve been coming to grips with the differences between joy and happiness and found that the two are often interchanged. So let’s just nip this in the bud right now…Joy is NOT the same as happiness.

And you may have heard this before, but I’m speaking to those of you who haven’t.

Happiness is revolved around happenings. It means being affected by the things that happen around you or to you in an everyday setting. Say if things don’t go your way at work and you are “unhappy” with the outcome, but then in turn you are joyful at the mere fact that you have a job. Therein lies the difference.

Joy has more to do with your insides, your inner being. If you have joy then that means there is something on the inside of you that is consistently in touch with a bigger picture. If your inner being is aligned correctly, then the possibility of finding joy through anything is great. 

If you choose to live your life full of joy, you are untouchable. True joy means having the ability to function in the midst of madness. You may be unhappy, but you can also find joy in that. Joy does not mean you will never be unhappy, and unhappiness does not equal no joy.

If your joy disappears it is because you let it disappear. What is happening around you should not determine the length and width of your joy.

Many may feel that if you don’t have happiness there’s no way you can be joyful but this is a lie. 

How do you think those people who can smile in the face of destruction get through the day? That’s not simply based on the loose term “happy.” There’s something on the inside of them that is untouched by the darkest of nights. While the entire world is gloomy, they still have a light shining from the inside.   

To be able to say “I have joy” in spite of the craziness around you should be something normalized. We should never be wishy-washy, people who are swayed to and fro causing emotional wreckage. Don’t be an emotional wreck. Find your joy and choose to dwell in it every day. You will not be sorry.

Discover, Accept, then Run

One of the worst things you can do for your life is sit around watching others live theirs.

Another one of the worst things you can do for your life is expect to be at a certain level based on distorted ideas mainly dealing in comparison.

This generation thrives on information, whether it is about a distant being or close acquaintance. We seem to follow people closely and draw our conclusions about life from them.

But can it be that we are too engulfed in others’ series of events and not enough in ours to actually live our lives?

We can’t be so concerned with what others are doing and miss out on what we should and can be doing. This is where hate begins to shine dim, where envy peaks his ugly head from the dirt. Because the more you look on others’ lives, the more you begin to form an opinion which could turn positive, but mostly negative.

The limelight is just full of normal people who knew other normal people and had the determination enough to get them where they are now.

Everyone has a different set of unfortunate events. Our lives take many different turns. It is very rare that you will find someone who went through the exact same process you did, and I mean down to a tee. 

It takes work to get somewhere in life, that is of course if you’re not a part of a family that is already known for something (i.e. The Kardashian Bunch).

If you aren’t part of “royal lineage” then guess what, you have to play the cards you’ve been dealt.

If you allow what others are doing to cause you to doubt your identity, your beauty, or your capacities, then how will you accomplish anything? 

Never compare your life to the lives of others. It’ll only hinder you from reaching your own heights even if you’re comparing yourself to “regular” people.

Discover your process, Accept where you are then Run after what is uniquely yours.

You gotta do something differently if you want different results.
How can you expect change when your life doesn't reflect the meaning of the word?
How can you expect to be free as a bird when your wings have been bound by your current mindset?
It's funny if you think you've engaged in liberty when you're doing the same things and pulling the same strings.
And how can you breathe when your breath has been suppressed by the habitual flings you have with your spoken nonsense that does not reflect change?
Your breath should stink of metamorphosis.
Your body should exude innovation.
Your steps should not align with the same ones from yesterday.
Your hands should not mold the clay of the misconception and misinterpretation that causes you to believe that no change is necessary.
Your heart should be creating stretch marks on your chest as it beats fiercely with the drum of difference trying to break through the surface.
Your mind should not stay within the confines of a false worldview embedded in you from birth.
You should believe in wonders and miracles.
Fairy tales should adorn the walls of your skull.
Your eyes should experience a shift, changing your 20/20 into 20/24 so that concentrating a little more will transform the dynamics of an object.
You should be like Superman, seeing through the solidity of situations.
You gotta see differently to get different results.
Are you ready for change?

Girl, who do you get dressed for?

Ladies, have you ever noticed the intricate outward details of another woman? And I mean down to her very toe nails –those kinds of details? Then, have you ever tried to speak with a man about those details? I can almost guarantee that the conversation wouldn’t go the same way if you had spoken with—let’s say—another female counterpart.

Somehow women find a way to know exactly how something is “supposed” to look on another woman, but where exactly do they get their reference point.

I find this happening to myself often. In fact, it just happened not too long ago. As I reflected on myself after noticing the hammered toe nails of another woman dressed in old, flat flip flops with dry heels, I stopped myself. Because even though she had an issue going on with her feet, she had no problem flirting with the guy on the basketball court. Nine times out of 10, maybe 8, guys won’t pay attention to that kind of stuff. They could care less about the cute, messy bun that took you an hour to perfect. Or, the extra hairs you purposely leave out of your ponytails. They see both styles as equally messy, nonetheless. 

Yesterday, I saw a hilarious post on Instagram that confirmed this thought of mine. It basically stated how women buy expensive things to impress other women because a guy never says stuff like, “she’s ugly, but that purse bro…”

If this is true, if guys truly don’t look at colored toes, baby hairs, or purses we must ask ourselves who we’re trying to look good for. I would go as far to say ourselves, or other women. The competition is real. It’s like we simultaneously criticize another woman’s style while secretly trying to do a rendition of what she did. 

In some twisted way women are naturally intimidated by other women which causes them to do an excess amount of prepping. If there hadn’t been one woman in the world wearing makeup, then the next three women wouldn’t feel the need to pile it on.

Guys’ minds are simple, girls’ mind are not. The style ideas you thought hard on, he may have thought about twice. Go ask five guys you know if they like when women wear makeup and see what they say. The results may be shocking.

Of course this isn’t something we are conscious of while we’re getting dressed for the day in the morning: “What can I wear today to make what’s-her-face jealous?” That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m not saying to stop buying yourself expensive things or doing cool tricks to enhance your style, but to simply check your motives. If you find that it leads you down a road lacking in self-respect and love, then you make the choice on what to do.