Perks without Works is Dead

Single ladies, let me be the first (probably the 100^th) to tell you…relationships ain’t easy!

Many of us have seen those sad but true and hilarious meme posts that read something like, “This could be us, but you playing” with a picture of a couple in marital bliss or “Everybody else is in love while I’m like…” and it shows a picture of a girl in a room lit only by her phone as she stares at it in bed.

All this to say, the desire for being in a relationship is known across the board. It seems that there are many who wish to find that someone whom they can call their own.

Yesterday, I was watching the movie “Boys and Girls” in which Claire Forlani’s character, Jennifer, asked a very profound question which was somewhere along the lines of: “Why can’t movies show what happens six months later [in the relationship] when everything starts going wrong?”

Here’s the thing, we can look at movies and we can look at the couples we see on Instagram and hope that our Prince Charming is out there clutching our perfect ending, but the posts rarely show the hardships.

Although the prospect of being in a relationship looks fairly dreamy, the work two people must put in to maintain the “fairytale” is far from what Disney portrays.

The problem with many young women in our generation is they want the perks of having a relationship without fully thinking through the works of it.

There comes a time where people just give up, they stop putting in the work and separate under the excuse of “we just fell out of love.” Or maybe they didn’t do the correct amount of work before they got into a relationship first to prevent having to go through the trouble of a breakup (that’s another post).

There will be arguments, there will be times when you don’t want him around, times when you’d rather be by yourself, and of course everyone experiences different trials, but never think your relationship is exempt from turbulence. Your troubles are NOT over once you get the one you want.

But do not dismay, there is a healthy way to go about disagreements (again, another post).

A wise man [Myles Munroe] once wrote, “You know you’re ready to date when you don’t need to.”

The best thing to do is to stop wanting and start letting life live. Before you know it, the more you don’t think about a relationship the closer you’ll be to that right man just popping into your life unexpectedly, and the more you will feel like a whole person. But you have to be willing to wait it out.

“Happily ever after” can in fact exist, but not until each partner does his/her due diligence.

It's never too late to say goodbye.
It's never too late to hide.
To runaway from every past mistake
that you believe have left permanent stains--
Your life was not soiled with
pomegranate pieces.
And although there is no such thing
as Life OxiClean,
It is never too late.
It's never too late to say
NO
No more
To choose what's better for you
to the point where others are offended
does not make you a bad person.
What good is it to mope down a popular road
when the road less traveled
brings a heap of satisfaction?
It's never too late to say
"I Can"
To begin again
even for the 100th time.
A car is never out of gas 'til it stops.
Run until you have no legs
Fight until you don't have to
And never give up on your life

Be careful little mouth what you say: Combating common terms of endearment

Ladies, when it comes to our men—especially one that we’re in love with—it’s quite common for us to get a little ahead of ourselves and start spouting at the mouth about how much we love him and what he means to us. Whether it’s verbally or through some carefully composed post on [insert social network site] our words about our loves are beautifully expressed. But what happens when those words can be the very cuffs that are keeping our hearts and minds captive?

You see, when you give a man a large part of you and you’re merely dating him, it becomes more difficult to release him once his part in your ever-going life story book has passed.

Specifically, I am speaking on the term “world” as it pertains to the loves of our lives. We have all seen people post or heard people say, “He is my world.” But what is that phrase really giving way to once it is uttered? 

Think about it: if someone just happens to become “your world” then you are unconsciously giving them rights to your life, rights which may be an overstepping of boundaries. It is as if your being becomes revolved around whoever they are and whatever they’re doing, which of course is never the way a working relationship should be carried out.

It is healthy for men and women to maintain a sort of separate life outside of their relationship because, technically, your likes, dislikes and etc. don’t completely converge until marriage. Unless the man is your husband, there is still a purpose for your individual life that still needs to be completed. If he becomes your world, his comings and goings can get tapped to the forefront of your mind and your vision can become clouded. Many women lose out on their dreams and visions because they’re too busy trying to support a man who can’t get it together.

I know when we say this we are not purposely saying it in a literal way, but I think too often we give men too much power without even being aware of it. 

Be careful what words you fill your atmosphere with.

Can all the tender women please stand up? ...A look at the emotions of women who have been broken by men

I feel like there is a very uneven balance within the emotions of the broken women of today. They are either too headstrong or too emotional. There seems to be no gray area.

When I say headstrong I’m referring to those women who are too hard—overly protective of themselves because of past men who have toyed with their emotions and took them for granted. These are the women who flee from being too involved, never putting all their eggs in one basket. Resembling the characteristics of the stereotypical male player type who swears on never committing.

When I say too emotional I’m speaking about those women who are hurt by every small thing their man does or doesn’t do. Women who get upset or sad because he’s running late, or he chooses to hang with his guys one night instead of them (guilty). These are the women who turn the smallest of conversations into the largest of arguments because they are overly dependent on their man which stemmed from a lack of love from a previous relationship(s). 

Women may feel the need to lean more towards one than the other, but guess what…

There is NOTHING wrong with simply being tender. You were made to be more emotional than men. Mind you, this isn’t an excuse to drive your men crazy. There is still a certain level of emotional stress that you must be careful to release onto your men at once. 

Ladies, never overcompensate within your emotions because of some past dilemma that you experienced with other men. If you want and are ready to give and receive true love, be open to it. There’s nothing wrong with acting with caution because of something that happened in the past, but that’s all the past should be—a clearer leans for you to view life and relationships with so that when the same thing comes a long you can spot it from a mile away—not an excuse to toy with someone else’s emotions before they toy with yours. Or, cling too tightly so that they won’t let go.

There’s a fine line between emotional and annoying. 

Let’s create that gray area and dwell in it for a change.